After reading my prior post, I still feel the same, any other moms out there struggling with this.

Motherhood

Motherhood is filled with cookies and smiles : )

Nope that's not all true, motherhood is the best gift God ever gave me and I love every minute of it! However it's not all cookies and smiles, as your children grow to become teenagers it's like ok what have I done wrong for them to not like me. 

It's honestly one of the hardest moments I've gone through or going through currently. I like to please people, so for my own children to seem annoyed with me is hurtful. Do they love me, yes of course they do. But as a grown adult I sit back and have to ask myself, what as a mother have I done for my children not to have the respect to show their love or for me not to be one of the most important people in their lives. 

At this moment, I know they are growing and learning and that's ok but I still feel they should respect their mother. If anyone else has ideas or going through the same experience please share and we can go through this together. I also know that I am a little emotional with all the changes going on in my life as well, so maybe that's why I feel a little unappreciated. 

I really just want to not text or call and ask how was your day or say I love you daily , just to let them miss me, but then I think, what if I don't get that chance again. How do you explain that to a teenager. You don't, I guess I will just always be the annoying parent who loves my kids. I don't want to be stubborn and make them miss me because I miss them daily and need to let them know I love them daily. 

Some call that babying, I say it's just showing your love. It's what works for me personally to get through the day. I figure if they can text and communicate with their friends, then why can't the text and communicate at least once in a day just to say hey. At the end of the day, I hope my children know how much I love them and how everything I do is for them. 

Again sorry for the blah blah blah, but as my blog states, free your mind. I use this blog to help free my mind of stress and when I get upset about things, or just because I feel like writing. 

No one ever said this motherhood stuff would be this hard! But it's most def the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

Who am I?

Who am I?

I sit here and ponder and wonder, who am I to my kids. Am I all that they thought I would be, why do I feel as though I am nothing. I give and give and give and feel like I still am not good enough. I may be crazy in thinking this but do you ever just wish they would appreciate you more, take care of you as you have them, ask how your day was and maybe for just a second give you snuggles like when they were younger. Maybe it's just them growing up and going through a stage but then again they show more affection toward others. What am I doing that they want to treat me like dirt and not care about my needs. They know mom will be there, mom will pick me up, mom can go get it for me or mom will make me dinner. 

Who am I to you and how do I become more important? Why do I feel I have put this time and effort in to being the best mommy I can be, only to feel worn and unappreciated at the end of the day. Do any of you beat yourself up over wanting to know who you are to your kids. I try to joke and be funny but that just isn't cool, I am so weird to them. 

I want to be everything and more to them, I want them to grow up and be someone, I don't want to struggle in life. I guess my goals for now are to find out "Who I am"! I am a grown woman with three kids and I thought I knew myself but apparently along this journey I have lost track of who I am. 

It's crazy but all I ever wanted to be was a stay at home mom and be the best mommy and wife out there but unfortunately we live in a society that both parents have to work and so who I once was is no longer. How can we make the adjustment of being a stay at home mom and wife to being a full time working mom and wife? Maybe that's why I need to know who I am? 

I know this blog is a little all over but honestly that's how I feel most of the time. From wanting to know who I am to my kids, to missing the stay at home job as a mommy and wife, and then trying to balance going to school to make something of myself, working full time, and somewhere trying to be the mommy I've always wanted to be. Anyway thanks for reading and comment if you would like. This blog is for me to express myself and try and understand who I am.